23sep06

Wisdom too often never comes and so one ought not to reject it merely because it comes late!!!

"One of my ancestors," a Virginian told a Jew boastfully, "signed the Declaration of Independence."
"Ah, indeed," replied the Jew, "one of mine signed the Ten Commandments."


Quote for the day:

.......that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.---Abraham Lincoln

22sep06

A professional is someone who can do his best work when he doesn't feel like it!!!!

Sambo, a Sourthern darky, married Liza. In about two weeks he came to the reverend gentleman who had tied the knot, looking as if he had lost his last friend in the world.
"Whats's the matter, Sambo; aren't you happy?" the preacher inquired.
"No, suh, pahson. Ah wants a divorce."
"I'm sorry to hear that, Sambo, but you must remember that you took Liza for better or worse."
"Ah knows dat, pahson, but she's wuss dan ah took her fo',"


Quote for the day:

They stood before the altar and supplied
The fire themselves in which their fat was fried.----Ambrose Bierce

21sep06

You don't just luck into things as much as you'd like to think you do. You build step by step whether its friendships or opportunity!!!

Judge---"Mose, is your wife dependent upon you?"
Mose---"She sho is, jedge. If I didn't go out and get de washin' she'd starve plum to death."


Quote for the day:

Rumour is a pipe
Blown by surmises, jealousies, conjectures.---Shakespeare

20sep06

Just pray for a tough hide and a tender heart!!!

A Missouran is responsible for this:
"There are trees so tall in Missouri that it takes two men and a boy to look to the top of them. One looks till he gets tired, then another commences where he left off."


Quote for the day:

On this hapless earth
There's small sincerity of mirth,
And laughter oft is but an art
To drown the outcry of the heart.---Hartley Coleridge

19sep06

Sports is the only entertainment where, no matter how many times you go back, you
you never know the ending!!!

Ball Fan---"How do you account for the slump in Thirston's fielding average?"
Sporting Editor---"He goes after too many high balls."


Quote for the day:

There was ease in Casey's manner as he stepped into his place,
There was pride in Casey's bearing and a smile on Casey's face,
...............................................................................................
But there is no joy in Mudville------mighty Casey has struck out.---E.L. Thayer

18sep06


Even when the experts all agree, They may well be mistaken!!

"Fourth for bridge!"
"Okay!"
"That's great! Now all we need's a third."


Quote for the day:

If a man can write a better book, preach a better sermon, or make a better mouse-trap than his neighbor, though he builds his house in the woods, the world will make a beaten path to his door--Emerson

17sep06

What is art but a way of seeing!!!

Quote for the day:

I cannot sing the old songs
I sang long years ago,
For heart and voice would fail me
And foolish tears would flow.---Charlotte A. Barnard

16sep06

The work praises the man!!

"I hear Brown fell down on his pharmacy examination."
"Yes--he got mixed on the difference between a club and a Western sandwich."


Quote for the day:

God sends meat and the devil sends cooks.---Thomas Deloney

15sep06

Courage is not the towering oak that sees storms come and go; it is the fragile blossom that opens in the snow!!!

"Have a cigar?"
"No, thanks---sworn off smoking."
"Well, put one in your pocket for tomorrow."


Quote for the day:

The snail, which everywhere doth roam,
Carrying his own house still, still is at home.---Donne

14sep06

You can build a throne with bayonets, but you can't sit on it for long!!!

The sleight-of-hand performance was not going very well.
"Can't any lady or gentleman lend me an egg?" asked the conjuror, coming down to the footlights.
"If we'd had one," shouted a man in the audience, "you'd have it before this."


Quote for the day:

Have we eaten on the insane root
That takes the reason prisoner?---Shakespeare

13sep06

Laziness is nothing more than resting before you get tired!!!

Beerbohm Tree liked to make a dramatic entrance in his plays, and in one he had to enter by flinging open a pair of double doors and standing a moment on the threshold in an impressive attitude. On the opening night he had got thus far when a voice shouted from the gallery:
"Next station Marble Arch!"


Quote for the day:

Talent is developed in retirement; character is formed in the rush of the world.--Goethe

12sep06

Bravery never goes out of fashion!!!

Robert Louis Stevenson, while in San Francisco was explaining to a friend at a restaurant a peculiarity of the local waiters which was that under no circustances would they admit that they did not have anything that might be called for on the bill-of-fare.
"They will take your order for a slice of the moon'" said he, "and go away as if they meant to fetch it, and then come back and say that they are just out of it."
To prove it he called the waiter and said: "A double order of broiled behemoth."
"Yes, sir," said the waiter, "will you have it rare or well done?"
"Well done," said Stevenson.
Pretty soon the waiter returned, "I am very sorry, but we are just out of behemoth."
"What, no more behemoth?" asked the novelist in a feigned astonment.
The waiter lowered his voice, "We have some more, sir," he whispered confidentially, "but the truth is, I would not bring it to you as it was not quite fresh."


Quote for the day:

The fields were fruitful, and starving men moved on the roads. The granaries were full and the children of the poor grew up rachitic, and the pustules of pellagra swelled on their side. The great companies did not know that the line between hunger and anger is a thin line.---John Steinbeck

11sep06

Today is "Patriots Day"

Knowledge is power, if you know it about the right person!!

In his autobiography, "Days of Our Years," M. Pierre van Paassen tells of an Italian officer who, at a luncheon at the opening of the Italian Pavilion at the Paris Exhibition, started to tell of Fascist successes.
"Our Duce," he said, "ordered us to take Ethiopia, and we took it in the face of fifty-one nations determined to destroy us. He told us to take the Iron Ring around Bilbao; the next morning it was ours. "We have eight million bayonets---nothing can stop us. Let us be frank about it: if the Duce ordered his army to march into France tomorrow, what really could stop us?" There was an embarrassed silence. A French guest broke in. "Monsieur seems to forget the French Customs service," he remarked.


Quote for the day:

National Socialism does not harbor the slightest aggressive intent towards any European nation.----Adolf Hitler 1935

10sep06

It is hard to distinguish between the hard knocks in life and those of opportunity!!!

"Have you heard my last speech?" asked a political haranguer of a wit.
"I sincerely hope so," was the reply.


Quote for the day:

Man is a political animal.---Aristotle

09sep06

A Committee is an animal with four back legs!!!

A Scotch minister in a strange parish, wishing to know what his people thought of his preaching, questioned the beadle;
"What do they say of Mr. ------------------?"(his predecessor).
"Oh," said the beadle, "they say he's not sound."
"What do they say of the new minister?"(himself).
"Oh, they say he's all sound!"


Quote for the day:

I hope there is a resurrection day
For bodies, as the ancient prophets say,
When Helen's naked limbs again will gleam
Regathered from the dust of death's long dream---Harry Kemp

08sep06

The reason which often prevents us from abandoning a single vice is having so many!!!

"Did you get your money?" asked the wife of the dentist who had just returned from the delinquent patient's home.
"Not a cent," growled the dentist, "and worse that that, he insulted me, and gnashed my teeth at me!"


Quote for the day:

Money is honey, my little sonny.
And a rich man's joke is always funny---TE Brown

07sep06

Mankind must put an end to war, or war will put an end to mankind!!!

The patient was convalescing after an operation for appendicitis. His friend asked him how he was getting along.
"Pretty well," was the answer. "After my first operation, they had to cut me open again. It seems the surgeon had left a sponge in me and they had to get that out."
"But you got over it all right?"
"Oh, yes, only I had another opeation yesterday. They found a scalpel which had been sewed up in me by mistake."
"Surely you're all right now, though," the friend said encouragingly.
But the patient suffered a severe relapse, for just then the doctor hurried through the ward saying: "Has anyone seen my hat around here? I left it somewhere yesterday."


Quote for the day:

When people's ill, they becomes in I,
I physics, bleeds, and sweats 'em;
Sometimes they live, sometimes they die.
What's that to I? I lets 'em.---Dr. JC Lettsom

06sep06

If there is something we wish to change in the child we should first examine it to see whether it is not something that could better be changed in ourselves!!!

Judge---"What possible excuse could you have for acquitting the prisoner?"
Foreman---"Insanity, sir."
Judge---"What, all twelve of you?"


Quote for the day:

And hungry judges soon the sentence sign,
And wretches hang that jurymen may dine.---Pope

05sep06

Despair is the price one pays for setting oneself an impossible aim!!!

"Gents," a fat man said in a hotel smoking room, "I hate to hear you lambasting lawyers the way you've been doing. A lawyer last year made me a present of one hundred and fifty dollars."
"Yes, he did!"
"Come off!"
"What are you giving us?"
But these gibes and jeers didn't move the fat man.
"It's the solemn truth, gents," he said. "You see, I was injured in a railroad accident last year, and this lawyer sued the railroad company, and got five thousand dollars damage. His bill was five thousand one hundred and fifty dollars, but he didn't say a word about the one hundred and fifty dollars balance. He made me a present of it."


Quote for the day:

He saw a lawyer killing a viper
On a dunghill hard by his own stable;
And the Devil smiled, for it put him in mind
Of Cain and his brother Abel.---S. T. Coleridge

04sep06

One machine can do the work of fifty ordinary men. No machine can do the work of one extraordinary man!!!

The President of the local gasoline company was making a stirring address.
"Think of the good the gas-company has done," he cried. "If I were permitted a pun I should say, 'Honor the Light Brigade.' "
And a customer immediately shouted, "Oh, what a charge they made!"


Quote for the day:

To gild refined gold, to paint the lily,
To throw a perfume on the violet,
To smooth the ice, or add another hue
Unto the rainbow, or with taper-light
To seek the beauteous eye of heaven to garnish,
Is wasteful and ridiculous excess.---Shakespeare

03sep06

Happiness is not so much in having as in sharing!!!

On his deathbed a manufacturer named six bankers as his pallbearers and explained that as they had carried him for so long that they might as well finish the job!


Quote for the day:

O Death! the poor man's dearest friend-
The kindest and the best.---Burns

02sep06

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it!!!

"What would you say about a man who hasn't even paid you for the hat he wears?"
"I'd say he's in debt over his ears."


Quote for the day:

I am French, I am Chauvin.---T and H. Cogniard

01sep06

The truth which makes men free is for the most part the truth which men prefer not to hear!!!

Customer in Drugstore (on Sunday morning)---"Please give me change for a dime."
Druggist--"Here it is. I hope you'll enjoy the sermon."


Quote for the day:

All religions must be tolerated...for...every man must get to heaven his own way.---Frederick the Great c1740